If Robin Williams had nothing left to live for, why am I still here?


By Eva Rinaldi (Flickr: Robin Williams) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

By Eva Rinaldi (Flickr: Robin Williams) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

On August 11, 2014 Robin Williams sadly added himself to a long and constantly growing list of talented but tortured souls Who have either deliberately taken their own lives or suffered tragic deaths due to various types of drug addictions.

As someone who also battles depression, I get it…. but I don’t get it.

Our minds can be simultaneously incredible and downright incredibly frightening.

For better or worse, we look up to many of these celebrities and often envy the lives they lead, thinking they live in perfect worlds filled with money and fame.

The reality is that most of us have no idea of what’s really going on in the heads of those we choose to idolize.

In my simple life, things that may contribute to my depression are basic needs like hoping I can pay the bills this month, hoping my car doesn’t break down, hoping the roof on my house doesn’t leak, or just hoping that no unexpected expense pops up because I can’t afford to get it taken care. For example, both of our vehicles are in need of repairs that are just beyond our means. We’re hoping to be able to take care of that before something bad happens. It’s not a fun way to live.

These talented superstars have different pressures.

Did Williams view the cancellation of “The Crazy Ones” as a personal failure?

We’ve also been told that he was battling the early stages of Parkinson’s Disease. Naturally, that had to be a big blow to a guy already battling demons in his head. And there has also been speculation that the medications to fight that battle could have contributing to deepening his depression.

When I’m feeling down, I sometimes try to “cheer myself up” by reminding myself that so many others have it far worse than I do.

Guess what?

That doesn’t trick our minds for long, if at all.

My brain doesn’t really give a rat’s ass that I have a home, a job, a wife, a relatively healthy body, etc. while others are homeless, crippled, divorced, etc. My brain is selfish and wants to focus on my life’s shortcomings. Screw everyone else.

Robin Williams did so much for so many through various charitable efforts.

It is tragically ironic that a man who gave so much hope to so many people ultimately appears to have had no hope left for himself.

Personally, I enjoyed watching his work and appreciated his awesome talents. I’m sad to see him gone. By all accounts, he was not only a great performer, but a great human being.

Even though it wasn’t enough to make him stick around, I truly hope he knew that he was a bright spot in the lives of many.

As for me and the question in the topic of this post.

I certainly hope my despair never reaches the depths necessary to consider suicide.

I have thought about suicide, but not about committing it.

My thoughts have been more along the lines of analyzing my depression, wondering how low people really have to be to take such a drastic measure that hurts not only themselves, but those who care about them.

At this point, I certainly can’t see giving up on life when I haven’t even scratched the surface of living yet.

While his death is tragic and sad, the life of Robin Williams will continue to entertain and inspire me.

Thank you Robin.

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